so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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