Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
