In the future we'll all be gay
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize