he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
