Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
