id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
