Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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