You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm just crazy horny about you
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
