It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
