This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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