I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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