How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
