i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
