I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
