Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
