we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
