there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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