is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
