Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
