I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well I just put wine in my tea
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
