She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
