I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
