She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
