a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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