she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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