I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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