She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
