are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
