I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Drunk is a universal language darling
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