She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
