I'm really into asian looking animals
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
