the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
