can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As shirtless as possible
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
me + whiskey = a bad person
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
