This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Found the puke drawer
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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