Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
