Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
