I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize