Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Randomize
