Having a random hookup so left but love u
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
