A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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