Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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