My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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