And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
