im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I love having hate sex.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
