wanna go halves on a baby?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
