Yo dont text me then not text me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
