you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i need to put some appletini on your dick
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
