Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm jealous of your bromance
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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