Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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