Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
