i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
