im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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