You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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