So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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