Where is the hickey?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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