I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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