Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
