Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
