Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
