We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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