STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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