i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
