I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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