not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize