Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
